Don’t Let Bullies Kick Sand In Your Faith

Excluding the fact that some faiths (I’m not mentioning names here because I don’t want to get killed) take themselves so seriously you wouldn’t dare ridicule them in public, one possible measure of whether a religion has hit the mainstream might be when people start telling jokes about it. So, the other day I heard my first Phasmatian joke, and that’s when I realized that the Church of Phasmatia has finally arrived.

The joke goes like this:

A Phasmatian priestess, a Roman Catholic priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the Catholic observes, “Celibacy is the cornerstone of our priesthood. I’ve been celibate for thirty years.”

“That’s nothing,” says the Buddhist monk, sipping on a mocktail, “I entered the lamasery when I was only a boy. Not only have I been celibate my entire life, but I was also celibate in my previous two lifetimes.”

“Oy vey,” says the rabbi, shaking his head. “Celibacy is not desirable for a cleric. Marriage is important, and not just to resist temptation, for how else can you truly understand the workings of a family. I have been married for forty years, and although my wife’s nagging gives me a constant headache, never have I even so much as looked at another woman, for lust and adultery are sins.”

The Phasmatian priestess finishes her drink and looks at her companions. “We Phasmatians not only believe that sex is not a sin, but we teach that it’s a celebration of life to be embraced. In moments of sexual ecstasy we approach communion with The Universal Spirit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been celibate for almost two hours, and I’ve got to be getting back to the orgy.”

Four Phasmatians walk out of the bar.

It’s no surprise that it is the Phasmatians’ liberal-minded attitude towards sex that generated this humor, given that dirty jokes are universally one of humankind’s favorite pastimes. It would be easy to start complaining about all the positive and deeply spiritual aspects of the religion that are being glossed over by this stereotyping, but I’ll focus on the positive and let it slide. I guess it fits in the “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” department. Anything that brings Phasmatia to people’s attention is a good thing, and once they have a chance to explore the religion further, they may be converted.

Now, perhaps some of you are wondering why I’m standing up for Phasmatia, given the way I’ve been vilified by them, and the threats that have been issued against me. Well, I guess that falls under the category of tolerance. Every religion has its deplorable fanatics, but we should learn to separate the fundamentals of a faith from its fundamentalists. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be on our guard, or resist those that attack us, but at the same time we need to be careful not to prejudge others of that faith. And that’s no joke.